No-No Nancy

We've gotta have this thread going. The other Mary from the first board just posted a reply Nancy sent out in regard to Tanya Vece's book. It's a typical weird Nancy reply. Check it out:


Clearly, the information this person is using is a mish-mash of pieces rearranged like a jigsaw puzzle which has been tossed into the air (picture a volcanic eruption). I have no intention of defending myself against lies, misinformation, innuendo, gossip or any other form of yellow journalism. It would take years to recount the years.

I will say this: I was never interviewed in Layne’s early career. Why would I have been? There was never a lien of any kind put on Layne’s condo. I have no ridiculous ideas about this person. Why would I? I don’t know them. Gratefully, I hardly think of them. I do know we’ve been used. I would never want anyone to go through what Layne and our family has endured. Does anyone care how this affects Layne’s grandparents, his sisters and brothers, nieces and nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles, his faithful and true friends? We all love and miss him at family holiday gatherings, and on all of the days in between. No one in our family deserves these vitriolic tirades. The writer is angry because, without full available light on the subject, any work is incomplete junk.

I do believe authors could use a dose of their own medicine; but, I would never wish an attack of this sort on anyone. How would one fair under a microscope of the judgment of their peers? This is all a way of avoiding responsibility for failures. It’s called transference, i.e. “Oh, look over there!” (Don’t pay attention to the four fingers pointing at the accuser.) Judge not from false conclusions. Judgment will come back to haunt.

Maybe everyone who knows everything should compile a book of unfinished one-sided stories, and put it out there with the pretense of collecting money for their favorite charity. If one was so in the “in” crowd, where were they when Layne was going down? Layne’s years of drug addiction go back into the ‘80s. Treatment involved our family in a hundred different kinds of ways in order to help and to continue to maintain a relationship with Layne, one where he knew he was always welcome, greatly loved, a delight, and always accepted “no matter what”. There were no conditions.

How on earth could someone possibly assume to know what went on behind the scenes? And why am I being required to answer every foolish question contrived by man? I’ve never said I couldn’t have helped more. We all did what we knew to do under the circumstances: touring (away from home for many months); active addiction (in a drug-soaked environment); and reclusion. When was the last time this storyteller was allowed into Laynes’ life, and what kind of help was given and accepted?

I spent nine years attending 12-step meetings on a consistent, multi-day-per-week basis and reading everything I could get my hands on, in order to learn more about this horrible disease, so that I could have valuable talks with Layne, and he would know I was really listening the best I could, given that I am not an alcoholic/addict.

With all of the resources at hand, we expected Layne to get the help he needed on time. We held our breath. Even Layne didn’t make it. That is a testament to the power of addiction and this drug. Layne’s passing will never be real to me; and maybe that is as it should be…a child always alive to his mother.

“If someone speaks badly of you, live so that none will believe it.” I hope that the work I do is a clear message of how much I love Layne, and my promise to help others. No one should spend time taking in evil and mulling it over. The world needs our love and positive support, right now. Do not support evil by throwing time or money at it.

Sadly, this email will probably flame some fires, but if it ends some of the hurt for my family it’s worth taking the risk. Layne was a private man, and to answer everyone’s questions would be so disrespectful. In every passing those left have regrets. Imagine how hard it is to grieve and to “show up” for others in the case of a public passing. Other moms have taken the private path. I just wanted to help.

“Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.”

Now let’s end this so that I can get on with my work.

Nancy

I've come to not dislike as much as I used to but "we expected Layne to get the help he needed in time" just chaps my ass. He was an addict. He wasn't going to do it on his own. And this is the first I've heard about multi-day counseling that she went to.

Agreed. I definitely feel for Nancy. She lost her SON and as much as we love Layne, she loves him more and in a deeper way. But sometimes she says things that are so frustrating. I can't believe she admitted that she could've done more. That is the first time I've seen that, too.

I guess one of my biggest gripes with her is how she's thrust herself into the spotlight. It's like she's gaining from Layne's death. I feel for her but to me she's just bringing attention to the fact she could've done more and then there's the poor me, my son died thing.

OK! First of all let me start out by saying that the last quote in the message just sent f'ing chills down my spine. JUST before I relogged onto the board I was in the middle of writing a formal critique for a piece of art known as "Christ and the Woman Taken in Adultery" and the VERY LAST f'ing thing I typed before taking a break to come here was "Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged and Let He Who is Without Sin Cast the First Stone." I SWEAR TO GOD!!! What are the odds that I would log on here and THAT would be what she wrote in the message??? LOL Just find that eerie.

Secondly I will say this... Out of ALL the things I have seen written by Nancy this has to be the LEAST convoluted message I have ever been able to read (thanks for posting by the way) I hear you on the complaint about helping him during his addictions but... Actually this one made me feel really deeply for her, particulary the part about not having her son around during family gatherings/holidays and not being able to fully accept that he has passed. I'm sorry I have my issues and specualtions about Nancy but this one... This one made me feel deeply sad inside for her

I do agree that it was the easiest one I've read so far. I guess I will always believe there was more she should've done, but then I've not been in her shoes. It might be easier if she wasn't so darn weird.

mdespain38 wrote:I do agree that it was the easiest one I've read so far. I guess I will always believe there was more she should've done, but then I've not been in her shoes. It might be easier if she wasn't so darn weird.

LOL! yeah... She really has said some whacked out things in the past...lol I bet there is much more to come too. lol A couple of things (after re-reading) that I do find a bit strange about this past message is... She goes on and on to say that she does not have to defend herself, she does not need to answer the questions of the public or journalists but... isn't that what she is doing by writing that message in the first place?

And I also notice how (although I feel bad) she DOES revert to the "my son is dead" card when she feels backed into a corner of sorts... I da know... I also get the vibe of the "self proclaimed martyr" oh poor Nancy has nailed herself to the cross again for attention. I know that sounds harsh but she contradicts herself ALOT when she talks. ALSO...lol she speaks of people using her sons death as a means to gain notoriety, or fame or financial gain but... HELLO??? How do explain the LSF? Are we supposed to actually believe that she see's NO financial gain behind the facade of a drug rehab funding organization? PLEEEASE.... Nancy see's the cash and I'm sure she see's it often... I guess I will have to keep that in mind next time she launches a new item with her son's face plastered all across it... Whatever...

I have come to feel differently about Nancy myself. Just because she was a mother doesn't mean she was perfect. I am sure she did what she did was the right thing at the time. I really have a hard time believing that she was the money hungry hateful shrew that she has been made out to be.

So here is the most recent emaiil I sent to Nancy....

Hello Nancy Hope you and your family are all well. My boys are both fine now. Christian got an infection in both eyes after the Strep but is now ok. Wow, it was 3 weeks of non-stop Dr visits and medications between him and Fletcher. Thank you for asking about them in your last email, I'm certainly glad things are back to normal. This morning "Down in a Hole" came on my radio in the car and it made me think. I know that you do not like to share any information about Layne but I was wondering if you happened to know if there were any particular song that he was most proud of. While he didn't write "Down in a Hole" he certainly sang it with heart and conviction. I think I read somewhere that he was most proud of the Mad Season album but did he ever mention to you a certain pride in any song? I also know that you sing "Wake up" with him every year at the tribute (how you manage to make it through without crying, I'll never know). Is that the song that makes you most proud? I often wonder if there was a certain song of his that you listened to and thought "oh my gosh...that was absolutely beautiful!" At the risk of this being a long and invasive email, I also had a bit of a religious epiphany in my rambling thoughts this morning. I'm sure you are familiar with the line in Hamlet where the Queen says "The lady doth protest too much", meaning that if someone insists so passionately about something not being true that people suspect that in reality it is true. I was wondering if Layne's apparent disdain for religion and for God in his lyrics actually gives away his deeper belief. The fact that he chose to wear a crucifix and painted/drew religious based art does lean toward that theory. In speaking with some of his friends, I have been told that he did question the existance of God, but I just get the feeling that he did have faith. Do you have any thoughts on this that you would be willing to share with me? I wish I had new pictures or information to share with you. Have you heard the interview with Ann and Nancy Wilson where they talked about "Ring them Bells"? They did have a lot of nice things to say about your son. Unfortunately, I think that I have drained the well of new information dry. I'm quite disappointed at not being able to find anything new. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help your cause here in Florida. Also, please be assured that I do not share your emails with any of my fan friends. They are for my own knowledge only. Peace,Machel

and here is her reply...

I shared some proud moments with Layne regarding “Man In A Box”. It’s an extraordinary song. I song “Wake Up” because it seems appropriate for our mission.

Layne was deeply spiritual. I think the shift comes when you learn God from your personal experiences, and it doesn’t fit the box that church puts it in.

I’m glad to hear that the boys are on the mend. It is hard to see our children suffer.

It’s late, and I’m off to slumberland.

N.

MAN she is one tough shell to crack. I have pulled out every big gun I know of and she just will not soften. Grrrrrrr

I think it's the weirdness in her. And I think she was probably just as weird before Layne died.

I don't doubt that she greives every day for him and that she loved him very much. And maybe she did everything she knew to do for him, but I do think she likes putting herself out there as poor Nancy whose son died and needs sympathy and whatnot. that's just my opinon though. I've never talked to her by e-mail and certainly never met her so I could be waaaaay off mark here.

Admin wrote:I have come to feel differently about Nancy myself. Just because she was a mother doesn't mean she was perfect. I am sure she did what she did was the right thing at the time. I really have a hard time believing that she was the money hungry hateful shrew that she has been made out to be.

Yeah... I don't think she is a "shrew" but I still am on the fence about some of her choices, it is wrong to judge someone you don't even know but I guess I have formed a jilted view from some of the things she has said in the past, maybe it is just because I can not really understand her 3/4 of the time. lol No parent should EVER out live their own child, to imply that I have ANY understanding of what that is like would be bullshit! No one is perfect and we all make mistakes... I for one know that when I look back on some of the things I have said or done to people in the past, now that they have passed away... has FOREVER changed me and sometimes I have to stop beating myself up about the things that cannot be changed. Maybe I could have done this or said that or tried harder...maybe they would still be here... So in that respect I do understand the torment.

So... anyhow... I am still on the fence about LSF, part of me is behind what they are all doing and have done and then other times I wonder about motives as far as financial gain and placement in the "spotlight" so to speak. I da know I guess I can just be a little aggressive about feeling like I want to protect Layne...silly I know but oh well.

I am still totally against LSF. I think it is totally opposite of what Layne was and what he would have wanted. I still think that Nancy made some bad decisions and stupid mistakes. She does come across as uncaring sometimes but I know that I have made some shitty decisions as a mother too. Luckily mine didn't kill my child.

I feel for Nancy as a mother and to lose a child in the manner in which she lost Layne must be one of the toughest things in the world to live with and espescially if her lasting image is of him decomposed i mean how do you get over that, in that respect i have total compassion
but where she says about having to answer questions she decided to put herself out there for the ordinary folk who adore Layne by inviting emails etc and obviously many will ask her questions and some of them will not be rosy you know she decides to keep herself in focus by what she does so she has to take the good with the bad i guess, One question i would love to ask Layne is on how he feels about him being the posterboy for drug addiction years after his death and what he thought of the merchandise with his image that the LSF sell, would he like it or not ? would he have preferred his Legacy to have been his music and art instead of forever being tied to addictions, it's good the LSF help people just like hundreds of other drug councillers, charities, departments do, i just wonder would Layne be pissed or happy with what Nancy has done ie LSF in his name

I agree Ellie... I honestly think he would be really bothered by it! He always spoke of being an artist with many talents and that the fact that he was an admitted addict was NOT who he was it was just something he lived with. So... honestly... I think he would be fucking pissed! but... That's just my oppinion.

I agree with you both on all accounts.

Dang I lost the link to this board. Finally found it again!

Anyway I think Layne would hate LSF. It's against everything he seemed to stand for. I know he was a private person, so for his personal photos to be plastered on a calendar would surely be offensive. Having said that, I totally bought the calendar.

hehehehehehehehe. I usually buy the calendars in like April or something so that they are 1/2 price. But I will not get the 09 calendar. SUCKS!

I have not yet bought any of the calenders but maybe this year I will... If they come up with anything new.